does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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