Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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