It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
