THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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