Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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