my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
