help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
