This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
