I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
