so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
