what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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