I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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