that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
