I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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