i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
