How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
