We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
