i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
