I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
