i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
