When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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