I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
