I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
