I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
