in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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