don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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