remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
