he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
