I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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