I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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