I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
