I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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