Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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