I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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