he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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