I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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