Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
