evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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