yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
