you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
