Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
