this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
