I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
