Do you still have your period?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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