they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
