She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
