at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
