yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
