I understand Curling. That high.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
