community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize