worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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