i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
