Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
