I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
