i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
