Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
