Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize