i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
