I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
