Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
