ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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