My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
