For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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