The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she looked like the before picture.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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