I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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