If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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