I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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