he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
