dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
