the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize