Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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