I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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