I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize