just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
