My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
