Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
