my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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