remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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