OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
