Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
