My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize