This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
