I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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