i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
