I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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