I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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