I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
