Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
