So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
please don't ironically join a cult
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