The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
