I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize