Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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