Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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