Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
