break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
