you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
