Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize