Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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