please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
