Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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