didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I skipped work to stalk him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
