I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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