The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this just has baby written all over it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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