i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
