My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
