I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize