The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
