walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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