i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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