never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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