see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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