Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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