tell your sister to shave her snatch
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
